Caution Advice Column

You asked for it and now, here it is! If you
have a problem that you need advice on,
go anonymous, send us a message about it
and one of the Caution staff will answer as
quickly as they can! If you want the question
to be directed towards one staff member in
particular, feel free to make that known; if
you don't care who answers, leave it blank.
Please do not send hateful messages as we
want to keep this drama free. Thanks!

Anonymous asked: does anyone even update this anymore? it seems like hannah did everything for it and she left. :\

There’s not much to update if no one seeks advice. :(

Anonymous asked: Hi Caution! Lately I seem to be joining sites and despite PMing people, talking in the cbox posting in shippers, and getting involved in threads I never seem to fit it. I always seem to play second fiddle to other plots and sometimes my posts in shippers seem to be ignored. Any advice for a roleplayer who wants to find and fit in with that perfect site?

hey there! first of all i want to tell you that i feel the same way a lot of the time too! joining sites isn’t always easy, more so if you maybe don’t use the super popular pbs, want to ship within shows, maybe you don’t rp “plain old city rps without plots”. maybe you just don’t like the kind of music the rest of the site talks about in the cbox. there’s a million reasons a person doesn’t feel like they fit in. my best advice to you is to maybe try to enter another genre from what you normally do? i know this is easier said than done, but say you’re a real life roleplayers. you don’t have to jump to dog rps or something, you can maybe just move from city/town rps to something with a bit of a ~deeper plot, like a zombie site or a fantasy one! sometimes moving yourself just a little can help a great deal! another advice is to try to stay on top of the upcoming times (through atr for exmaple - all things roleplay here on tumblr!) and try to get invloved with the community early on, chat with the admins and such. try to look for smaller sites, maybe those who has just opened, so you get an early start. another tip is to really take a look at the site before joining - do they seem like the kind of people you’d have anything in common with? personally, if i see a site run over with one direction, i probably won’t join because i don’t like them. it’s not hating, it’s just a pereferance! all in all, you’ll just have to be patient. some time sooner or later, you’re going to find that site that you adore and love and the site and its members seem to love and adore you right back! they’re out there, but its a jungle trying to find sites. i wish you the best of luck at finding a site where you fit. i hope this helped a little anyway!

love, kaka 

Anonymous asked: I'm on a site with folk I would call close friends. They think I'm happy and cheery and even though it's hella busy - everything is fine. It's not. Not in the least. How do I drop the act and admit "hey, guys, kinda sorta falling to pieces here. i need help." I don't wanna whine on about the avalanche of issues I've been bottling up but I'm finding it difficult to broach the subject and be brutally honest. Otherwise, I'm gonna end up failing at my role and becoming nothing again.

Personally, I’d rather hear my friend is falling to pieces and needs help, rather than let them fall to pieces and do something drastic. Bottling up your emotions and your problems isn’t healthy. It creates a weight - a stress - on your body and it isn’t good to carry it around like that. You need somewhere to let it off and vent.

Perhaps make a private tumblr post - assuming you have a tumblr - and link your friends to it. That way they know what’s going on, but it’s still private. I suggest however, that you make sure you’re being completely open and you ask for the help you need, otherwise they won’t get it. If you ever need to vent or need someone to help with your problems, don’t hesitate to drop another ask. If you do it on your personal, I can answer privately so no one sees.

It’s not whining. It’s venting, and there is a difference. Letting off all of that steam before you blow your top is a good thing. As long as you ask for help, and lay everything out, I think you’ll be completely fine. If none of these suggestions do anything for you, feel free to send another ask. I’d love to help you in anyway possible. xo

- hannah.

Anonymous asked: I'm in my second year of college and have been dipping in and out of depression. I've always been a "smart" student who got the scholarships. But this year, I basically lied (exagerated) to my professor all Semester and told her that I was sick and ditched class 24/7. Initially, she believed me. But by the end, she saw through me and flunked me. I feel horrible. I'm disgusted with myself and ashamed. I can't stop beating myself up about it. And now I'm stuck taking her class again. Help?

let me tell you something: been there and done that. i once told my professor that both my parents were unemployed and we were in danger of losing our house - just to get out of coming to class everyday. obviously, that didn’t work as i flunked out of university and am now working a minimum wage job and attending community college in the fall - after taking a year off. i owe close to 8,000 dollars (USD) to the university and that’s just for the semester i didn’t have financial aid.

so, now that i’ve bored you with my story of university, i want you to do something that i should have done: i want you to sit down and think about everything. is this class required? can you take it with another teacher? is school something you still want to do at this point? it’s okay to take a year - or even a semester - off. what about the class caused you to lie and skip? 

next, if you’ve decided you want to take the class with her again, i want you to prove yourself to her. i want you to excel 110% in her class. show up. participate. and most of all, make friends in the class. knowing people in the class is a big thing for me, and if i know a group of people and am close with them, i’m more likely to turn up. make them your support system.

i would also formally apologise to your teacher for lying - in person. it will make the both of you feel better and relieve any animosity she might hold against you. teachers / professors aren’t big fans of liars. 

i hope this helped, and if you need anything else don’t hesitate to reply back.

- hannah. x

Anonymous asked: I'm running a site with a few good friends of mine. But I've never admined a site with them before and I'm really really unhappy with how they run things. They ignore members, say disrespectful things and I just found out they even flame sites. But every time I confront them about it I get replies like 'I was drunk, jesus.' or they flip out on me and start going on about how horrible of a person they are. But they don't fix it. I don't know what to do anymore cause confronting them doesn't work.

i’m not sure if you still need this advice or not, but i hope someone can take something away from this:

i would honestly leave. the trouble doesn’t seem to be worth it. if they’re immature, rude and even flaming sites that’s not really something i’d want to deal with on a daily basis. that’s just rude.

if you still enjoy the site - but not your co-workers - i’d take charge and demote them. tell them you are taking the site in a different direction and let them know you’d be happy to keep them as members but you don’t feel that they are right for staff. if they begin their antics on your site, i suggest banning them, as they could be trolls.

all in all, i suggest that you set the good example and let them know that their behaviour is unacceptable.

i’m sorry if this didn’t help much.

- hannah. x

Anonymous asked: there's a girl in rl I know that rps. she and I used to get along and we would make fabulous rp sites together. now things have happened in rl where I can't forgive her and I don't want to speak to her. we have similar taste in rps so I'm always kinda wary when it comes to joining rp sites. I know were making similar ones now but I don't want it to be a competition. how do I handle it? I don't want her to get mad at me and I don't want to compete.

hey there, i’m not sure if you still need this advice, but if not, i hope someone can take something away from it. you can’t let your differences get in the way of your hobby. the two of you may no longer get along, but the best thing to do is move passed it. keep things friendly and civil if you end up on the same site, and if you don’t think you’ll be able to, remove yourself from the situation.

to avoid competition is another matter entirely. even if the sites are similar, you have to make yours stand out. keep building up a community and a strong member base. if she gets mad at you, that isn’t your fault. she can be mad all she wants, but don’t let it affect you or your site.

 i hope this helped. 

- hannah. x

Anonymous asked: i've lived with an eating disorder for most of my life. nothing about me has ever fallen into place. it finally got to the point where i went to rehab to get healthy. i've been out for a year, and i thought everything was going great. i have a new diet that i stick to, but i've found that if i stray from this even a little, i feel immediate guilt and i get depressed. i've found a new obsession and nothing about this is healthy. what do i do? i'm at the end of my rope.

As someone who has also lived with an eating disorder, I know how hard it is to get healthy. It doesn’t always get better, but it manifests itself as something else. Girls with EDs become obsessive, and we have addictive personalities. We need to be in control of something because our lives are spiraling out of control.

I suggest you take up something relaxing that you love to do. Something that you’re in control of, and can set aside an hour or two a day to do. Such as reading a book, playing an instrument or even just doing yoga with a DVD. Anything that puts you at ease. 

The next thing I suggest is slowly, very slowly, experiment with your food. A diet isn’t something you want, dear. You want an entire lifestyle change. Diets don’t work. They never do. They get you to a point where you think you’re happy, but the minute you stop that diet, you gain everything back. I suggest asking someone for help. I also recommend ED support groups and if you’re still overweight - medically, not mentally - I highly recommend Weight Watchers. It did wonders for me.

But you still require help. I highly suggest you talk to your therapist - if you have one. If you don’t, get one. I still see mine. - and your doctor about this. They will help. I know it feels like they don’t, but they do. They really do.

I know this is incredibly late since this was asked, and I hope you don’t still need this advice, but if you do, here you go. I hope everything works out for you. It gets better. 

xo Hannah

Hello beautiful members!

The Caution Staff would just like to put it out there that if you ever have any questions or concerns, or if you need advice (big or small), that we are still here. Along with this Tumblr, our Caution inboxes are always open, so please do not hesitate to message us about anything – we will try to the best of our abilities to help you.

We know that sometimes it’s hard to open up to people because you feel that you will not be heard, or that your problem isn’t “important”, but trust me when I say that you will definitely be heard, and that we do not consider anything you say an inconvenience or irrelevant. 

Kind regards,
Lynnie 

Anonymous asked: I attempted suicide 7 times in 2011. My psychologist won't believe me. My parents won't believe me. My teachers won't believe me. My friends won't believe me. They think I'm looking for attention. I'm so unlucky; I just want to die but all I ever do is hurt myself really badly. Please help me.

Thank you for reaching out. I know things may seem difficult, a number of people have a hard time getting the right folk to acknowledge the problem at hand.

I know it may feel like it’s difficult, I know it’s not easy; but please don’t lose hope.
Have you considered approaching your local Dr or GP about this, rather than your psychologist? Sometimes they are more inclinded to listen or refer you for a second opinion other than that of your psychologist/parents/whoever is the default body they ask where ever you live. Considering you have seriously hurt yourself in the past, I’m pretty sure they’re medically obligated to either admit you for observation or refer you to an independent psychologist/specialist psychologist for an examination.

Failing that, though I’m unsure how it would work where you live, there are a number of hotlines you can call for support and guidance as well as centers and clinics where you can admit yourself without  having to try to convince yet another person of the truth.

http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory  here you can find a list of all areas, please select yours from the list and it should have a hotline number listed.

Please don’t let the lack of support around you be disheartening, there is always someone willing to listen who will act accordingly and help you get the guidance and support you need.

Please don’t lose hope, and know we are always here if you need us.

~ Merlin

Anonymous asked: Things are pretty dire lately in my life & I've been feelin depressed. 2 the point where it feels like a constant panic attack & i don't want to interact with anyone + feeling like there's something medically wrong tht docs havent caught. Memory is shot,i 'space out' against my will & at times i feel like i'm not even in my body.Just feels like everythin is caving in & I'm helpless to do anythin but end it all.i feel selfish 4 feelin this,4 even considerin puttin those close to me thru that

Hey there!

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I had the same feelings this last year, and it was to the point where I didn’t leave my dorm room and I even flunked out of college because of these feelings. This is a normal anxiety/depression symptom and I strongly recommend you make an appointment with your doctor to talk about this. Sometimes it’s hard to catch unless you bring it up.

I know it might be hard - it was hard for me to admit that I wasn’t quite right. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy or suicidal because I was ~~depressed~~ because of the negative stigma behind that label. I shut out everyone around me so they wouldn’t notice that I wasn’t well. 

I’ve been there, and you should really talk to your doctor, because having something like this consume your life is absolutely dreadful. It takes a while - two to three, sometimes even four weeks - for the medicine to kick in and for you to start feeling the effects, but in the long run, everything will work out and you’ll start feeling great again!

I hope you get the help you need.

xoxo

hannah

Anonymous asked: I recently opened my board, and honestly, I see nothing wrong with it. The admins are nice, the members aren't clique-y, and the skin isn't too dark or light, but usually guests stop by just to flame us. Of course, I don't know why this has been happening, but I'd like a way to stop it? I know that if those guests had sites they wouldn't want it to be flamed, but if so, then why do they flame other boards? Is there a way to stop this?

You can ban their IPs from the CBox control panel - if you need help with this, send us another ask and someone can walk you through it. You can also gather their IPs from the CBox control panel and ban them from your site in general.

I am going to encourage you to screenshot their messages ( either directly on the site or from the CBox control panel ) and make note of their IPs ( and if they change - they might be using a proxy ). If it continues or gets worse, you can always message a Caution security moderator and they can do their best to help you from there.

Best of luck,

- hannah.