Caution Advice Column

Anonymous asked: To get straight to the point, I wrote a reply to this one RP group post, and this one lady thinks that it's too dramatic... And the only thing that my character is doing is standing up to her abusive husband (the charrie that the girl plays). She seems as if alshe is refusing to reply to my post until I change it, but some other people have already responded and don't think it's dramatic at all! I've had trouble with this girl before, but not like this! Any advice? Thanks!

Hi, I know this was asked in November, and I’m unsure if you’re having this problem still or not, but I’m going to answer it and hope that it helps you or someone else in your situation.

I would ask her what she thinks is too dramatic. Explain to her that it’s not, and then go on to help her understand what exactly your character is doing. I think it’s great that she’s standing up to her abusive husband, and since that seems to be the point of the plot, who wouldn’t love even more drama?

If she refuses to answer to your post, you can tell her that you no longer wish to continue the plot with her, and that you’ll find someone else to RP it with. She shouldn’t have control over your character or your writing. It’s your character, and you can do what you please.

But perhaps finding a compromise would be a good way to keep the plot going and find a comfortable medium where you can thread like crazy and have fun doing it! But if she’s being a bit too controlling, then don’t let her push you around.

- hannah.

Anonymous asked: I've been with this one guy for a while, he's my first everything and we've been planning our life out together, as well. He has a bad past with drugs and such, and he recently broke up with my b/c he says that the fight against his urges to go back is getting too strong, he doesn't want to hurt/drag me down if he goes down that path, and he wants to fight it alone. I honestly can't live without him, but he's ignoring me & says it's not my fault, he's treating me worse than people who have. Help

I know this is from November, but I hope you’re still there looking for an answer.

Sometimes, people need to be alone to sort through their emotions and their heads. He thinks he’s trying to make everything better by pushing you away. He’s still trying to be strong, and to show you that he’s strong, and he doesn’t want you to see him at his weakest point. It’s hard for people dealing with addictions to admit that they’re in the wrong, or that they’re hurting people.

I suggest that you give him some space, but let him know that you’re still there for him, and that you’ll always be there for him. People dealing with those sorts of problems feel less stress if they know they have someone there who loves them and cares about them. Tell him that he’s making you feel bad, but don’t guilt trip him. Guilt trips don’t end very well.

Ask him if there’s anything you can do for him. If he really wants to nip this problem, perhaps you can talk to a family member or a close friend of his to get him the help he needs. Just be there for him and don’t give up. Just give him his space, and let him know you love him.

- hannah.

Anonymous asked: I have a really hard time fitting in with other people in my school. They all belong in cliques and everything, plus for this year I've tried to fit in with three cliques. The first one (only had two girls) one of the girls said that I was weird and everything, the second one was nicer, but for group projects I did with them, they never credited me, and the third one is just as worse. I feel like I will never ever find a real friend, or even a good friend. Please help!

First off, I’m really sorry that you feel this way! I know in high school, I didn’t have a group of friends either, I always sort of felt like I was on the outskirts of groups. I know that there were times in high school when I pretty much turned to my online friends because I felt like even if I considered someone to be my best friend, they were someone else’s best friend. And while I know it’s really a frustrating thing, one thing you should NOT do is try to change yourself or sell yourself short to fit in because it’s not worth it. Don’t bother with people who call you weird or don’t credit you on projects you worked really hard on. I know it sounds awful when all you want to do is have friends, but when you’ll look back on it, you will be relieved that you didn’t do that. In terms of finding friends, try joining some clubs or volunteering — especially if it’s not through school. Honestly the best friends I have right now came as a result of me joining a volunteering group. And if you look at something that’s not a school group, you’ll be opening up yourself to a lot more social circles and chances to make friends with people you would have never met otherwise! And lastly, don’t discount your Internet friends — they can be very powerful, and I know I’ve ranted to my e-friends; they know things about me my real friends often do not. I hope things get better for you, you seem like a fabulous person!

XOXO Annie

Anonymous asked: So I've recently opened up my own forum, and it has really been successful. However, I'm going off to a weekend retreat where I'm not able to access the internet. I've lost members on a site because of these 'weekend retreats' and I'm afraid of losing members again if I go. I'm also afraid to look for staff, since last time, they were incredibly inactive and I had to carry their dead weight. Have any advice?

Hello there!

First and foremost, congratulations on your own forum and its success! It’s always hard work to put together a forum, and I’m sure that it must have been really nerve-wracking to open it up for others to experience, so kudos to you.

It’s important to remember that a site’s administration team is what puts all the pieces together, and it’s the dedicated, excited members that keep it going. Unfortunately, members cannot maintain the site all by themselves, nor can they solve their own problems, which is why having a staff member around is very important. If you’re going to be attending weekend retreats, or even if you just need some time to yourself for personal reasons, it is very beneficial to have one or two other people on staff that you trust to keep the site going. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had bad luck with them, but I would definitely suggest trying again.

Have you considered hiring moderators? They won’t have too much responsibility, so they won’t feel incredibly pressured; however, they’ll have just enough authority that they’re able to deal with situations that you’re not around for. These moderators don’t need to be found elsewhere – you could very simply put up a staff application on the site itself, or perhaps even contact the most devoted member(s) on the site and see if they want to help. I know that I would much rather help out a site any way that I can than to see it fall apart and have to close down.

To put it simply, it’s a push-and-pull relationship between you and your members. The more you give the more they receive and vice versa. If you can provide a stable forum for them, then they will remain active; similarly, if they participate and interact, you have a forum that you’re proud and excited to run. In either case, I think it would be worth a shot to look for some help!

Best of luck, 
Lynnie 

Anonymous asked: Hello. So I am using GIMP, but I have trouble getting the celebrities to come out perfect like people using more advanced programs. Is there anyway I can get mine to look more professional?

It’s hard to give you solid advice on this without seeing your work, but there shouldn’t be any reason you can’t produce quality, professional-looking graphics on GIMP. My main piece of advice would be to ensure your photos are high quality. Also, try checking out some graphic tutorials, to pick up some tips and tricks on how to make something amazing - there are quite a few GIMP tutorials on Caution, as well as on other resource sites, and many PS tutorials are translatable. Aside from these two things, just have patience. Even with other programs, professional-looking graphics take time and practice, but you can get there. If all else fails, try posting a forum in ‘graphic help’ on Caution, where you can provide examples of what your problem is, for some more specific advice :)

Good luck! 

— Jade

Anonymous asked: I'm on an intermediate mature roleplay, but everyone has horrible spelling and grammar. I'm thirteen and I have better grammar and spelling than them and they all say that they're twenty.I then posted a character ad for my character's husband. I stated that they are a romantic couple. This person says she's not comfortable with M rated threads! I don't think she read my character ad and now, I'm so mad. Another lady was so rude to me. What do I do? I like the site and the staff are so friendly!

I’ll be quite frank: I’m far more impressed by your maturity than your spelling and grammar. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a brilliant writer, but it’s just so reassuring to see a young person who can express themselves as beautifully as you have done, especially in this MTV generation.

Back to the matter at hand: From what I understand, you’re on an “intermediate mature roleplay” site; however, the skills of other roleplayers aren’t quite up to par with the site’s claim. While that is definitely irksome in and of itself, I’m really glad that you didn’t let that hinder your initiative to plot a relationship for your character. From what I can see, the main issue seems to be your interactions with other roleplayers, in particular the female who assumed you were looking for something inappropriate versus romantic (despite your ad clearly stating the latter), as well as the other lady (such a well-tempered term) who was rude to you.

You mentioned that you like the site’s staff, so I would definitely suggest that you contact someone on it and explain your situation. I’m sure they’ll definitely be willing to address the issue, whether it’s by instilling higher standards on the site, or posting an announcement about member interactions. In either case, it’s important that they know what’s going on because site staffs do their best to keep an eye out on issues like this, but they sometimes go undetected. I would also suggest that you try to build relationships with members who are on a similar level to your writing. Better yet, find an RP buddy who you can help with some issues (e.g. spelling/grammar), while they help you with yours (e.g. graphics/coding). You are also more than welcome to post your character request on Caution (or any resource site for that matter), all whilst clarifying that you’d like an intermediate, mature and understanding roleplayer to play him. While I’m confident that one of the previous suggestions will be beneficial to you, know that there are many intermediate mature roleplay sites looking for someone like you to join. Don’t let a bad experience like this discourage you from going out and joining a new site, or stop you from talking to new people, because I’m sure there are dozens of roleplayers in your exact position that would love interact with someone like you.

I apologize if that was far too long and rambly, but I sincerely hope that it helped in some way.

Best of luck,
Lynnie 

Anonymous asked: So I'm an aspiring writer. I've been working on writing a book for about four years now. I actually finished a book, but hated it, and started all over. Lately I'm bouncing all over the place full of ideas, and I can never stick to one or concentrate for long. How should I focus more on just one idea and force myself to write? I feel so useless with all my procrastination and the lack of word count.

First, -tips hat- seriously, kudos. The fact that you finished an entire book - I admire you for that so much. I’ve wanted to, but cannot. If you have lots of ideas, express them! Grab a notebook, jot them all down. No matter how stupid, awesome, or hesitant you may think they may be, just do it. Get them out. Then, go over them. Start weeding through, and finally - select one that really pulls you in. One that you can really get into the lives of the characters. Something that inspires you. Procrastination gets the best of us, and it’s hard to overcome sometimes, but you just gotta push through it, and tell yourself you will do this. You will succeed. If you can be awesome and finish one book; I’m confident you’re amazing enough to finish a second. (: You just gotta remain positive, and really set your mind to it. Word Count? Psh. Don’t fret over that. Worry about details, the story, etc. I know it’s a book - but the most important part is if you can capture and hold your target audience’s attention.

I hope I helped a bit.

love, Kay

Anonymous asked: Well i have been in a realtionship with my boyfriend for nearlly three years, were enganged got a flat together everything I've ever wanted. However sometimes i can be really happy and the next moment i'm a total bitch. I don't know if im happy or not everyone keeps saying theres a whole world out there to explore and i'm unsure if this is what i want. Help??

well first off, congratulations (: 

as far as the mood swings, it’s really not that uncommon. sometimes when you’re in the same relationship for a long time, little things can bother you. there is a possibility that you’re getting bored with the relationship. that doesn’t mean you should break up by any means but try to find some new things to do as a couple. it may sound stupid but being stuck in a routine can make people bored and just overall rude. 

as far as what everyone else says, ignore them. they’re not in your relationship and their opinions honestly shouldn’t matter. who cares if there’s a “whole world” out there. if you’re happy with your boyfriend (at least for the most part) and you were able to make the decision to be engaged and buy a place together, who cares about that whole world?

if you personally are questioning your feelings, feel free to take a step back. when you’re just hanging out with friends and an attractive guy walks by, do you think about talking to the guy or making a move? or do you still want to go home to your boyfriend? that’s a question you need to ask next time your out and listen to what your heart is telling you. do you think you can do better or are you happy and in love with your boyfriend? i hope my advice helped a little but remember, only you can decide if this relationship is right for you.

love, jess (: 

Anonymous asked: So yea. I never seem to be able to finish character applications. It's so strange - I always almost finish, I just have to get the very end in, but I can't squeeze it out of myself. I've been adminning a site (that I of course love very much) for about a month now. I still haven't finished my own application. BAH. Is there any good way to draw inspiration?

Honestly, I find applications can be completely tedious. I really dislike the whole sorting out the character in the beginning when I’d rather just jump right into the writing- and it doesn’t help that I usually end up changing half of the info in the application, anyway, as I flesh out the character. Unfortunately, applications are just sort of a part of being a roleplayer. 

Personally, I find the best ways to draw inspiration are all very straight forwards: watch a movie that makes me feel different emotions strongly; do something quietly by myself for a while; read poetry. Different things work for each individual, but my advice is to do something that will make you feel emotions that you associate with your character or things that they frequently feel. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right trigger, but once you’ve got it, you can always have it.

- Jae <3

Anonymous asked: Inspiration never simply 'comes to me'; I have to drag it towards myself. As a writer and a member of an active role-play forum, this is a truth that has become quite tiring. It is as though my mind has blown a fuse and now only possesses the capacity to grant me access to one character's threads at a time. To say that I owe my fellow members a few posts would be quite an understatement. This being said, is it so wrong to desire yet another character? *winces*

It happens to everyone. I don’t think you’ll ever find a roleplayer who hasn’t gone through a dry patch. It passes. Sometimes even a change from what you normally RP is a good idea. Sometimes it just takes a stranger you’ve never RPed with, who you really click with. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making another character. In the end, it’s up to you. I think that, most of the time, making new characters ups your muse, even a little. But once that fades, if it fades, it becomes tiring to try and keep up with all of your characters.

- Tillie <3

Anonymous asked: hmmm, so i just found this so i might as well right? i have a boyfriend, but it's long distance. he's one year younger and busy 24/7 with work, getting a car, and swimming. i'm busy with trying to find a job, get a car, earning money to haul my ass to germany my senior year, and ballet classes that work me to the bone. because of this we barely talk online (that doesn't mean we never do), and we only get to see each other in person about three times a year. i guess my question is, will it work out? i know he is loyal to me and committed, so am i. and he sends me gifts over snail mail to remind me that he cares^^ but i can't help but have a little feeling of doubt deep down. advice please?

I think everyone goes through some doubt in every relationship, but I think you have to look at it as a whole. If you are both still trying, still love each other, are still loyal, and can see this relationship going somewhere, that is great! A lot of relationships don’t have that. I think as long as you are both making an effort, you may be okay. Maybe you should try arranging “dates” where, when you both have free time, each week you go online, talk with each other, watch a movie together and talk about it, call each other, whatever it is you think would make a good time to catch up during your busy schedules. Just make time for each other, and as long as there is still love and effort there, and you still want to be together, it should be okay.

- Otterr <3

Anonymous asked: Okay, so I'll try to start from the beginning. I just got accepted quite recently to a really prestigous art school--which has been the college of my dreams for just about ever. I should be a little more happy than I am now, currently. See, I have a lot of motivational issues, and overall, am a bit of a downer. Said college is halfway across the country (the country being the US, so its like 1000 miles) and its an expensive plan trip back. But I'm going to back track a little, because you need to know something else quite important.

I never really graduated high school. I mean, sure, I have the diplomna and everything, but I shouldn't have one. I missed the entire last five months of my senior year and missed all my exams. I begged the school to let me stay back a year (yes, this includes crying to the superintendent) but it was a no go. They said take the diplomna or you don't get one, under the guise that I had a severe mental condition, which I don't really, and that was why I missed school. It was my decesion not to take it, but my mom forced me otherwise. As you can see, I don't think very highly of myself.

But this school--it is the only thing I've ever wanted for myself. I want to be a Casting Director, and this school basically secures me a spot in that job in a very high paced city. But what do I do if senior year happens again? If I'm so paralyzed by people and the fear of rejection and attention that I can't move? And above all, would failing there be worse for my mental state than not going at all?

By the way, I don't expect answers to all these questions, just maybe a little advice couldn't hurt.

-Jamie

Hey there. First off I would like to say congrats on getting into the school!

Now, I can’t tell you a for sure answer, but I can offer you some guidance. It seems like this school is a really big deal to you, which means it is really great that you got in. Now, I’m not 100% sure, because my high school experience was brief, but I think colleges look at more than just your senior year to determine whether they want to accept you. Obviously you did something right to garner approval from this school, and by no means should you feel badly about that. You say you wanted to repeat the school year, and I think that is a really honorable thing for you to have done. A lot of students would have taken it without blinking an eye, and the fact you wanted to make up the time you missed, regardless of why it was you missed it, is very honorable of you I think.

If this school is what you want, I think you should go for it. You deserve to have a successful life, and just know that colleges offer guidance counselors, and some schools offer other people for you to talk to, so if you ever feel like the pressure is getting to you, or that you are afraid something is going wrong or that you aren’t good enough, just remember that you are, and that there are plenty of people out there who are so much more than willing to help you.

Good luck on your future plans, and I hope all goes well for you.
-Otterr <3 

Anonymous asked: So I moved away from my hometown 2 years ago.. I'm in pretty good contact with all of my old friends... but my BEST friend (or old best friend) is slowly drifting away from me. Apparently she has changed a lot... an not in good ways. Whenever I go to visit she is never there... this year i hadn't seen her in 2 years so when I went to visit after making plans with her I was thinking oh yeah she will deffinitely be there she always complains about not seeing me. Turns out she was camping with her new best friend those 4 days that I went to visit. She still tries to talk to me on facebook all the time, and is always telling me it's been so long since we've seen eachother.. I don't think she understands that when I come is a rare occasion and if she really wants to see me she shouldn't be going out camping with her next door neighbor... Next time i go should i BOTHER seeing her? I rarely return her messages on facebook anymore either. and I still don't thiknk she understands.

I went through a really similar situation myself a few years ago. My best friend started drifting away before I moved, and I kept it to myself how much she was hurting me, because she completely stopped hanging out with me for 6 months, started lying to me, etc. I know the feeling, and I know from experience that the best thing to do in this situation is be honest. Lying, or going along with the “yeah I miss you” thing makes it so that she thinks how she is acting is okay, that it doesn’t bother you at all. I suggest calling her, or iming / facebook chatting, so that it is a conversation and not a letter writing process like an email or message would be, and let her know that she is hurting you, and that it doesn’t matter how many times she says she misses you or wants to see you, she needs to make an effort, because you have done your part. It can be scary to be honest in situations like this, but really, being upfront puts everything on the table and makes it so that you can find out if this friendship is going to last, or at least get some closure.

I hope you figure things out, and I hope the outcome is okay for you.
- Otterr <3 

Anonymous asked: If you're fifteen and you've never dated anyone...and you've kissed two people in your whole life, are you bound to be forever alone?
I'm definitely the 'fat & ugly' one in my group of friends--all of whom have dated, or have had tons of guys crushing on them/asking them out constantly. I just...I don't want to die alone. I'm scared of it, and it makes me wonder if I should just off myself now rather than face a life with 945356890505 cats. =/ I'm sorry if this sounds melodramatic, by the way.

Pah! Forever alone? Hardly! <3

To be honest, I’ve never hit that “teenager” stage where you’re all over people who you like, and there’s lots of those, and I’m grateful for it; however, I know there are people who can’t imagine the way I troll through my life and don’t want that. I’m content on my own, but I respect that some people aren’t. So stay with me for a little bit and I’ll do my best to answer this (8

From what I’ve read, it sounds like the type of relationship you’re looking for, m’dear, isn’t one you’re going to find in high school. I can appreciate why you’d like that kind of relationship- that’s the kind I’d ideally want sometime in the future, but I’m not sure if most high school guys are up for that. It sucks, but it’s just how stuff tends to go down in high school. Honey, beyond high school is a great big world with plenty of fish in the ocean for you to have your pick of. Don’t judge how the rest of your life is going to play out based on these few years. Instead of stressing over when you’re going to get asked out or kissed and by who, go out and have fun. Be stupid, be reckless, be a teenager. You only get one shot at it. Make sure you do the best damn job you can <3

Love always x
—- Jae

Anonymous asked: Alright, so this is gonna start out seeming kinda stupid, but bare with me.

On SDS right now, there's an event going on where evil overlords took over the board and stole the team centrals. People from all the teams band together and fight for their site, woohoo!
Well, there's this girl I've been trying to avoid for a very long time now. I changed schools to avoid her. Well, soon we're going to be going to the same high school, I'm going to be seeing a lot of her, and it freaks me out. I really feel like I need to initiate contact with her for the first time in over a year. She's on SDS, and she started up a group to fight the evil overlords. I'm thinking... maybe I should join her group? The thought absolutely freaks me out, but I really need to grow a pair and stop avoiding her. :/ I have no idea what to do.

Oh yes! I’m actually on SDS… ooh. I see. Well the fact that you’re even thinking like this, like you need to stop avoiding her, is the first step. And you’ve made it! The next step is the hardest, actually doing it. It’ll probably scare the crap out of you… but just take it slow. Post in her thread, be nice… and then when you’re in it, ease into talking to her. I would just work with her the best you can. When it’s all over, then get more into the personal things. I have no idea what happened between you two.. but just be the bigger person. Tell her you want to not have issues with her, you want things to be fine. It’ll definitely be hard, but your mindset is in the right place. (:

— Kay